My husband is a jazz musician.  This means he plays with a variety of people.  It also means that they are part of a culture that tends to be dominated by men, both among the musicians and in  the audiences.  As one spectator said to me at a recent gig, "this is a sausage fest."

The culture also tends to be insular.  If you don't know the names and personalities, the conversations can get a little stifling.

I was, well, not surprised, but pleased, when a musician he knows recently came to town and invited him to play, and as we were hanging out before the gig, three musicians and me, I was treated like a part of the conversation all through dinner, my jokes were laughed at, and while the conversation was jazz-centric, it wasn't the kind of conversation you couldn't follow if you weren't in the game.

Not surprised.  Because she's female.  While the discussion was about jazz musicians, she kinda floated it in the direction of about things I could relate to, without talking down to me, noticing what I picked up on and what I didn't.  The way women are socialized to carry on conversations with men.

You know, it's almost as simple as this — when she spoke, she actually looked at me part of the time instead of focusing only on the other musicians.  The number of male musicians who only look at you if you should happen to speak up, if ever, and when you do, look at you as if you're a bug who said something stupid or offensive, needing to be squashed, is way too high.

Luckily most of the musicians my husband works with are not like this.  The younger ones especially are much better about it. 

But God help you with some of the older ones, who seem to think you should just go sit with the other wives and talk about laundry or something!